Altered Script

We decided to make some changed to our original script which we feel would improve our project.

Script/ Stage Directions


During the research of the sub-genre we discovered changes we can make to comply with the genre better. We can instead use first person narrative of the obsessed man so the audience have an incite into his mind and how he thinks. This will show him as a solitary figure which is a convention of the genre, it will also pose the question: is the narrator reliable? This will add to the psychological element.

New Draft:

Starts with black screen 

Narrator: Lola Gray. A beautiful model. A beautiful mess. I watched her you know?  I was always watching her. She had no idea who I was. She didn't know I was there. She didn't care I was there. It had to be done.

Sound of heart beat fades in, black screen fades out to show an extreme close-up of Lola’s eyes. Her eyes are shut, then when open the camera flicks to a point of view shot which is blurry and out of focus. When the shot comes into focus it then changes to a shot of Lola’s eyes which then become panicked and glance around quickly. The camera then slowly moves out to get a close-up of her face which is when the name of the actress is shown. It continues to move out until it eventually becomes a wide shot of Lola tied up. This is at a slightly higher angle as it is from above.


Narrator: She looked so beautiful. She shouldn't have been that way. She shouldn't have done those things.

Lola: (muffled scream) She struggles with the rope binding her hands. It shows a cut-in of her hands struggling until they finally become free. It then goes back to a wide shot and she removes the gag.

         (Heavy breathing)

She staggers to stand up, leans against the wall for support. When she stands up she looks around. Switches to a point of view shot scanning the room. It focuses on the window, and the table. It goes back to a wide shot of Lola and the room, she clumsily walks towards the window which she then tries to open the window, which takes great effort as she is weak from malnutrition. When the window is open she glances outside, it flicks to a point of view of outside the window then back to wide shot.


Narrator: She didn't want to go. I know she didn't. She didn't want it any more.

Lola then clumsily walks over to the table and drags it over to the window, again it takes a lot of effort. Once the table is placed in front of the window Lola clambers on to it and escapes through the window.

Once outside it continues as a long shot of Lola whilst she flees. At one point it changes to a point of view shot of her feet running, using a hand held shot. It then goes back to her eventually escaping the scene.

Narrator: I just let her run.